I will not eat the cat's food before or after they eat it.
I will not "burn rubber" through the open car window and into the fast food restraunt, no matter how good it smells.
The computer mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will scootch by bottom along the grass to rid myself of hang ons.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not eat other animals poop.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
I will not roll my head around in other animal's poop.
"Kitty Box Crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not eat disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
I will not wake mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens. especially not the red ones or my people will think I'm hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it is raining.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark everytime I hear one on TV.
I will not steal mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel neither are mom and dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the fridge.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I do not have to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffeetable.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I must shake the rain water out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not start out at a dead run when my claws are positioned over mom and dad's bare feet.
I will do my best to not use mom or dad as a springboard when I jump off the bed.
I will try my best to do all of the above and to make my human happier then ever before!!!
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